I feel as if I am at a turning point in my life. A cross road so to speak. I have been battling with the decision of going back to work for some time now. Ever since Dominik was born 7 months ago!
We are in need of the money, and my husband is struggling doing it all on his own. I am also wondering what God is telling me about my music program. As numbers keep fading, and I went from 4 classes to 1 in a matter of months. I felt like this community really needed this program and that it was the right decision at the time, but now I am unsure.
So this weekend, I attended a ladies spiritual renewal retreat. The word retreat is misleading, as it was not relaxing ,no spas or massages! However it was very fun. I got to bond with my table through activities, and we shared our stories, and shed many tears. However, I was having trouble finding my place there. I was the youngest of the group, and although I loved the ladies I was meeting, all I could think about were my kids. Their faces kept appearing to me, making me ache to go home.
My prayers before I went, as well as while I was there was for God to show me what I should be doing? Should I go back to work, let my mom babysit as she did with Sasha? Should I continue trying to work on my Kindermusik program? Or should I be a full time stay at home mom for Dominik? These were the questions I kept asking myself, yet all I could see was little Dominik's face. I missed him so badly it was almost unbearable. Dominik is 7 months old, and this would be the 1st time I was away from him for more than a few hours. Keira is 9 years old, and she is my little helper. Always there when I need her. Sasha is 5, she is my shadow, following me everywhere I go. They are growing up so quickly already.
Most of the ladies at this retreat were much older than I. Almost all of them had children my age or older. So as I sit listening to all the wisdom of these well experienced ladies, and how they miss their kids, all the while it made me miss mine even more. They would talk about how time went so fast, and no one ever told them that nightmare that caused GiGi to run into bed and cuddle with mommy and daddy would be the last time they would cuddle in bed because soon she went away to college. Or that night when daddy would share a late night snack with his daughter would be the last peanut butter sandwich he'd make her, because not long after, she found a new man to make her a sandwich late at night and was now married. Some lost their husbands, some their children, others may have never been married or had kids. Story after story, tears after tears, and all it did was make me miss my babies. I even thought about sneaking out. Not because I was not having fun, but because my heart was hurting to be with my babies so badly!
If I got one thing from this weekend, it would be how much I missed my kids. Mind you, it was only 2 days and 1 night! As parents, we tend to lose ourselves and give everything to our kids, but what I found out, is that's perfectly okay. Because, when I did something for myself, and tried to take a break, I wanted to run back home as quickly as I could. I would rather be with my kids and husband, then away from them. That's a pretty great feeling at the end of the day. They will soon grow up, be away from home, and we will be missing them. That is when I can take a break! So be in the moment of now, because it won't last very long. Put the phone away, put the remote down, close the computer, and just play, and be in the moment. Everything else can wait another 10 or 15 minutes to finish. You won't be tired forever!
There are always ways to make money. For instance, when Keira was a baby and I was staying at home, I wanted a little extra cash just so I could go out with my friends. So I found a writing job. I was a freelance writer for over 3 years. I wrote weekly for a dog sitting company's blog. I did website content, some ghost writing, as well as published some short stories. I love to write, and miss it terribly, but you need to focus when you write! Who has time for that with 3 kids, 3 dogs and a JOHNNY (my hubby)?! lol.
Also on that note I am a part of a few direct sales business! I have been selling Jamberry nail wraps for over a year now. When I was really focusing on Jamberry, I was able to use the money I made from it to start my Kindermusik business. Here is a link to my site if you're curious https://sheenamatos.jamberry.com
I also just started selling Scentsy (wickless warmers and wax). I am a huge fan of Scentsy and have been buying it for many years but this month they have a special. You can become a rep for $49 so I had to get on board. Come check out how awesome these warmers are, oh and the scents make your house smell amazing!https://sheenamatos.scentsy.us/
So I think what God was trying to tell me was he has already paved the path for me to be with my kids, and still make some money while doing so. Kindermusik will always be there when the time is right, and I have loved sharing the joy of music with my families. But I think at this point in my life God is telling me to live in the moment, be with my kids, and let these be the best days they can be!