Pages

Saturday, January 14, 2017

My Sunshine (Poem for my Mom)



Sunshine
As the morning sun begins to rise, and light touches the earth
This is God's sign of rebirth
Today is a new day, and we have the gift of life
Let us remember to let go of our strife
If my mom taught me one thing
It would be to love each other and give glory to the King
She loved her Jesus more than anything
I know now she is beside him with her angel wings
As hard as it is to not have her here
I find comfort knowing she is still near
I can't imagine not hearing her voice
But as life has it, I have no choice
She prepared me as much as she could
Showing me that even through hard times, life is still good
She brought joy no matter where she went
Her uplifting spirit was so heaven sent
If you needed a friend to talk to
she would be the one to listen to you.
Her passing was so unexpected
I guess it's how you know her and the Lord were so connected
It was quick, and she was gone in an instant
with no suffering and no resistance
When she saw the light she knew what to do
Her spirit saw Jesus and she just flew
All who knew my mom
knows she lived her life like a psalm
She praised Jesus night and day
I know he did not want her to suffer in this way
Her passing is hard on us all
But when her heart gave, he answered the call
She did not want to be sick and frail
She wanted to be remembered for the happy tales
This is so hard for me to say goodbye
She is my best friend and I might always cry
On this day I have to say to you
Let us remember her legacy that God's love is true
Life on earth is so very short
don't waste another minute holding a grudge or snort
Let her passing be a window to love one another
All she ever wanted was for us all to be sisters and brothers
I know this is hard
All of our hearts have been scarred
Her Sunshine is a lesson to us all
She gave love, laughter, and fun even when we'd fall
Carol Ann broke the mold
She was beyond what this world could hold.
A being so loving and true
No one ever knew what she was going to do
Let us reflect on the great fun we had
She would not want us all to be sad.
You know my mom is looking down on us still
No matter what happens I know she always will.
My kid's have learned so much from her through the years
Somehow she prepared them, and they have no more tears
They tell me you are an angel with beautiful wings
How you told them of Heaven and all the wonderful things
Mommy, I love you so much it's true
I don't know how to do this life without you.
I know you are watching from up above
I can see your sunshine through my kids love
You taught them so much
I am forever grateful for your touch
Never forgotten this is true
We will always remember you!








Monday, March 7, 2016

At the cross roads!

I feel as if I am at a turning point in my life. A cross road so to speak. I have been battling with the decision of going back to work for some time now. Ever since Dominik was born 7 months ago!

We are in need of the money, and my husband is struggling doing it all on his own. I am also wondering what God is telling me about my music program. As numbers keep fading, and I went from 4 classes to 1 in a matter of months. I felt like this community really needed this program and that it was the right decision at the time, but now I am unsure.

So this weekend, I attended a ladies spiritual renewal retreat. The word retreat is misleading, as it was not relaxing ,no spas or massages! However it was very fun. I got to bond with my table through activities, and we shared our stories, and shed many tears. However, I was having trouble finding my place there. I was the youngest of the group, and although I loved the ladies I was meeting, all I could think about were my kids. Their faces kept appearing to me, making me ache to go home.

My prayers before I went, as well as while I was there was for God to show me what I should be doing? Should I go back to work, let my mom babysit as she did with Sasha? Should I continue trying to work on my Kindermusik program? Or should I be a full time stay at home mom for Dominik? These were the questions I kept asking myself, yet all I could see was little Dominik's face. I missed him so badly it was almost unbearable. Dominik is 7 months old, and this would be the 1st time I was away from him for more than a few hours. Keira is 9 years old, and she is my little helper. Always there when I need her. Sasha is 5, she is my shadow, following me everywhere I go. They are growing up so quickly already.

Most of the ladies at this retreat were much older than I. Almost all of them had children my age or older. So as I sit listening to all the wisdom of these well experienced ladies, and how they miss their kids, all the while it made me miss mine even more. They would talk about how time went so fast, and no one ever told them that nightmare that caused GiGi to run into bed and cuddle with mommy and daddy would be the last time they would cuddle in bed because soon she went away to college. Or that night when daddy would share a late night snack with his daughter would be the last peanut butter sandwich he'd make her, because not long after, she found a new man to make her a sandwich late at night and was now married. Some lost their husbands, some their children, others may have never been married or had kids. Story after story, tears after tears, and all it did was make me miss my babies. I even thought about sneaking out. Not because I was not having fun, but because my heart was hurting to be with my babies so badly!


If I got one thing from this weekend, it would be how much I missed my kids. Mind you, it was only 2 days and 1 night! As parents, we tend to lose ourselves and give everything to our kids, but what I found out, is that's perfectly okay. Because, when I did something for myself, and tried to take a break, I wanted to run back home as quickly as I could. I would rather be with my kids and husband, then away from them. That's a pretty great feeling at the end of the day. They will soon grow up, be away from home, and we will be missing them. That is when I can take a break! So be in the moment of now, because it won't last very long. Put the phone away, put the remote down, close the computer, and just play, and be in the moment. Everything else can wait another 10 or 15 minutes to finish. You won't be tired forever!


After this event was over, I came home. The girls and dogs greeted me at the door. I hugged and kissed everyone, and then I grabbed baby Dominik. As soon as his little head cuddled into my chest I lost it. I began to cry like a baby. I don't know why, or what came over me at that moment, I just felt so loved that words can't describe it. He cried along with me when he saw me crying, but I could not let him go. He was perfect, and beautiful, and all mine. What I brought from this experience is that God does want me home. My kids need me, and they are still little, but soon they will be big. I don't want to miss out on these moments. I can't worry about money. Yes we need it to survive, but God has always provided for our family.

There are always ways to make money. For instance, when Keira was a baby and I was staying at home, I wanted a little extra cash just so I could go out with my friends. So I found a writing job. I was a freelance writer for over 3 years. I wrote weekly for a dog sitting company's blog. I did website content, some ghost writing, as well as published some short stories. I love to write, and miss it terribly, but you need to focus when you write! Who has time for that with 3 kids, 3 dogs and a JOHNNY (my hubby)?! lol.


Also on that note I am a part of a few direct sales business! I have been selling Jamberry nail wraps for over a year now. When I was really focusing on Jamberry, I was able to use the money I made from it to start my Kindermusik business. Here is a link to my site if you're curious https://sheenamatos.jamberry.com

I also just started selling Scentsy (wickless warmers and wax). I am a huge fan of Scentsy and have been buying it for many years but this month they have a special. You can become a rep for $49 so I had to get on board. Come check out how awesome these warmers are, oh and the scents make your house smell amazing!https://sheenamatos.scentsy.us/


So I think what God was trying to tell me was he has already paved the path for me to be with my kids, and still make some money while doing so. Kindermusik will always be there when the time is right, and I have loved sharing the joy of music with my families. But I think at this point in my life God is telling me to live in the moment, be with my kids, and let these be the best days they can be!

Friday, December 26, 2014

Lazy Day!

Some days it's nice to just relax

I get to sit around and eat snacks

It's so very nice to take a little break

Getting to spend time away from all the fake

It's like the world is full of so much noise

Feels nice to sit with my girls and play with toys

Watching movies with them all day long

Feeling like nothing in my day could go wrong

I'm still wearing my night time clothes

Did not even bother to change my pose

Today was what I call a lazy day

Right here on the coach is where I'll stay!

by: Sheena Diane

Monday, June 16, 2014

Who is that fat lady living inside my body?

Here I am a 30 year old mother, wife, and teacher, yet until today I didn't realize how long it had been since I looked at myself in a full length mirror.

I knew I was gaining weight. I could feel my legs growing wider, and my butt getting bigger. I could see my tummy getting more flabby, but it's almost like I ignored it. Or as if I still saw myself as that teenage girl that weighted 116 pounds. I guess you could say I was wearing rose glasses.

Why not eat what I want? I work hard and I deserve it. I should not have to say no to that donut, or cake. I'm an adult so I can have that second helping of ice cream or skip lunch and have a muffin. Why not? I burn all of those calories chasing around 4 and 5 year old's all day anyway, so what's another slice of pizza? That's rational right? This is how I think daily. I spend time doing up my face with makeup, and making sure my eye brows are plucked, but I never stop to look at my torso. I make sure my clothes match and never pay attention to the every growing lady living in my body.

Today was a normal day. Went to work to be with the awesome kids I've grown to love at school. I ate the normal lunch provided, and came home to be with my own 2 daughters ages 7 and 4. Today we went outside to play with our new puppy before it got dark and my oldest daughter asked if she could take a picture of me and our puppy Falkor with my phone. I handed her my phone and I sat holding our 'not so small' Labrador Retriever pup. I didn't look at the picture until after I put them to bed, and when I did, I almost didn't recognize myself! It's not like I don't have any recent pictures, I do. Mostly selfies that are not bad, and defiantly don't look like the girl in the picture my daughter took! This woman had huge legs, and really big arms. Even her face looked swollen. Is that how I really look? Why would this be surprising to the person wearing the body?

Denial, is the answer. I have to be in denial. Now you are probably thinking, I'm depressed and unhappy and so I eat. That is untrue for me. I am very happy. I love my husband and have my dream job. I have all the things I wanted for myself when I look back. I eat because I want to. I eat because I love food, and I eat because WHY NOT? I am content with my life!

Well I am going to get personal, more personal than I've ever been even with myself. This is going to be my motivation to lose weight, to get healthy and to make a serious change!

I am going to post the most vulnerable and disgusting side of me that I've ever seen. However I need to look at it, I need to see what I've let myself become, and I need to reach a goal so I can post new photos of my success!

Tomorrow my life changes. I'll start with being conscience of everything I put in my mouth. My morning coffee will be switched to unsweet brewed tea, and the sweet pastries I love to eat with my morning coffee will now be an afterthought. I have got to make a change, I'm worth it!

This is not an easy thing for me, I cringe just thinking that I am about to show you the worst side of me! Here goes nothing.