Saturday, May 10, 2014
Turning 30 June 8th!
For a lot of people it was an exciting time. Growing out of the young life and moving into the adult more mature one. However for me I'm having a really hard time with it.
My husband seems to think I'm being silly (age is just a number) and won't really take the time to really let me spill the huge amount of emotions I'm having about all this.
Going along with getting older, I'm starting to feel my age. My vision is beginning to get blurry. I've always had 20/20 vision but now I have to really focus to see what time it is on our stove clock. It's getting harder to lose weight. I used to stop eating sweets for a few weeks and I'd weigh less, now if I stop eating the bad stuff, it just gives me a killer headache and I can't seem to concentrate.
Let's go even deeper (pun intended) and talk about sex drive! OMG! Okay, so is this something that happens to all women turning 30 or just me? I researched it and it turns out after you turn 30 your biological clock starts ticking because you only have so many years that you can get pregnant once your 30. Also you stop producing eggs, and that causes your body to want you to get pregnant as soon as possible. That explains the increased feelings I guess!
My emotions are all over the place. I'm beginning to feel like I need to do more with my life or that maybe I'm not in the right place. Maybe I made the wrong choices, and I only have a limited number of years to fix them.
Being 30 is supposed to be the prime of a woman's life. It's the most beautiful she will ever be, the most alive, and the peak of her sex drive. On my end, I'm heavier now than I ever have been, I feel like pooh all the time, because of my bad eating habits, and I can't seem to get my husband to understand just how much I need compassion and not arguments. I feel ugly, I've got hair in places that I'm not supposed to, and I sure enough do not feel at all like I'm at my prime!
I can't seem to let go of my 20's. I had an awesome upbringing and childhood. I have the most amazing friends whom are still my besties even to this day and our kids love each other just like cousins! High school was the time of my life. The time that I shined brightest, and the time when I felt more alive and myself. I guess having such a great time as a teen makes it pretty hard to say goodbye to my 20's. Turning 26 was hard enough because I was past the 1/2 point to 30... Here it is and I'm almost 30.......
I am also noticing how badly I want another baby. No let me rewrite that! I don't want another baby. I don't want the 9 months cramps, and all that comes with it, and I don't actually want another baby. We just don't have the space, time or money for that... However my body, oh my body wants a baby... So much so that I had to go get myself a puppy. Yes it's actually tricked my body into thinking I have a baby, because I'm in mommy mode. Getting up all night, hearing every whimper or cry. I have that need to nurture, care, and love! Maybe it's how God made me, but my body goes through this mommy faze and I can't fight it. However I've never felt it as strong as these past few months!
Does 30 equal a midlife crises? I find myself rethinking my way of life. Rethinking if I am with the right man, or if I really need a man in general. Don't get me wrong I love my husband. This post is by no means saying I have a horrible life, or a bad husband. It's just the thoughts going through my head right now. Right or wrong! Emotions, hormones, or actual feelings? I don't know, that's why I'm writing them.
I just don't know! I'm so confused and not happy with how I feel, and look at this point in my life. If anything turning 30 should make me want to renew myself! Makes me want to better my living, and find a new way of life. I just can't seem to want to do anything :(!